What Happened Last Night?
by Doctor-Strider-Time
Summary: Something weird happened to the session and now John Egbert wakes up to find his house perfectly fine, a few strange chums waiting at his doorstep, and some drastic changes. Now the 16 will go to school while trying to unravel the past. AU, Humanstuck.
1. Introduction

HomestuckFFChap1 04/29/2012

**Well, here I am, writing another Homestuck fanfiction. And this time it's so cliché it's silly. |D I'm going to go a bit mainstream (pffft, and my patron is conveniently eridan PFFFT) and write the cliché "trolls turn human and live on earth with kids" and all that nonsense. I just really like those stories, the ones where the trolls come to earth in any size, shape, or form. IDUNNOWHYYYY. Oh well, let's just feed this love with more writing! Whee!**

**In this story, the trolls have become human (more is elaborated on this later) and mysteriously come with the kids to John's hometown. Yeah, I really went super-cliché with that one but oh well just bear with me. It'll get interesting, I promise you that.**

**Disclaimer: Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie, and so does my soul. I sold it to him for the ability to read his webcomic. 8D **

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**Author's POV **

_The checkered landscape was ravaged, torn apart and splattered with dull colors in a varying 12 pigments. If the sight hadn't been so grotesque, it would have been almost beautiful. Disturbing, quite. Especially if you knew what the splatters of color were._

_Dull groaning sounds could be heard over the occasional crack of sharp lightning. 11 bodies lay on the ground while 5 were still standing, but just barely. One was limping, one was already halfway down. Only 2 were actually standing somewhat straight._

_The silhouette of a dark creature could be made out every time the bitter landscape was lit up with the harsh flash of light and a smacking sound very similar to the cracking of a whip, only magnified so many times it's ridiculous._

_"S-stri-i-d..." The limping figure managed to spit out. One of the still-standing figures whipped around, spattering a tiny amount of blood on the already flecked-landscape._

_"John, we'll never make it...we have to use it..." The figure said weakly, just above a whisper. The figure halfway down looked up, but fell down to the ground, from the obvious, immense pain the sudden movement caused._

_The other standing body looked down to the just fallen figure with the deepest look of regret and sadness. "Quickly, I don't think that Karkat can hold out much longer, he just collapsed." They said._

_"Ii never thought Ii'd ever have to do thiith..." A quiet voice said from on the other side of the fallen. "Thiith wathn't thuppothed to happen liike thith...Ii had prediicted doom to come much later..." A sob was barely audible in the cracking, lisped voice._

_"It's now or never." The last figure muttered, red blood gushing from a wound on her shoulder. "Let's get this done. Even though the side effects of this method of escape are unknown, it's the best we got." She doubled over slightly from the loss of blood as it blossomed onto the ground to make a puddle. "Sollux, get ready to take off your glasses on cue and aim it at crystal Dave has while he gets ready to screw up the timeline a bit. Jade, you work your space magic." _

_"W-wh...bout...m..." The limping figure spoke in broken speech, almost sounding on the verge of passing out._

_"You just sit tight. You could go unconscious at any second." The bleeding figure tried to smile, but instead grimaced at the growing pain in her left arm._

_"Bu...Ro..." The limping figure fell over instantly, having lost consciousness and fallen right into a puddle a mix of red, mustard, jade, and teal._

_"Quickly, we can't afford to lose any more of you. Okay, Sollux, Dave, Jade, you ready to really screw the whole universe over?" That was the last thing said before a sweep of a bleeding arm, a blast of red and blue, a spark of green, a flash of red, and the faintest glow of almost every color in the rainbow as the dark and horrific scene melted away into black._

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**John's POV**

My head hurts...what happened? Where am I?

My eyes slid open and my vision was extremely blurry. Everything was coming into focus, I realized I didn't have my glasses on.

The next thing I realized was my head hurt, really badly. I had no idea why though, I didn't even know where the flip I was.

I sat up and reached around, my hand finally closing around something that felt like my glasses. I slid them onto my face and was momentarily dazed by the sudden clearing of my vision and how bright the room was. Seriously, someone really needs to turn those lamps off or down.

I finally, after 5 minutes or so, realized where I was. I was in my bedroom. In my house. On Earth. But wait, why would I not be on Earth? Why would this be a surprise to me?

Suddenly every single memory from the who-knows-how-long period of time I was gone flooded back to me all at the same time, only worsening my headache, making me double over back into my bed in pain. I really needed to slow up on epiphanies for now.

That brought up my next train of thought. Where were Dave, Rose, Jade, and the rest of the trolls? How did I get here anyway? Isn't Earth supposed to be destroyed? What the flip HAPPENED last night? And why was I here anyway, the last thing I remember was when we made it to the battlefield, oh the battlefield, never mind I remember now...or at least I think I remember, I still don't know why I'm here...and what even was so bad, I'm drawing a blank on what caused me to even have been on the battlefield...

Just thinking like that made me groan, so I decided to give my brain a bit of a rest and look around to see what's going on around here. Everything seemed normal, all the posters in tact, computer in place, everything exactly how I remember it, before sburb that is. The only thing different was on my original slime ghost shirt, the ghost is flipped. And, as I examined my arm, I saw there was a Breath symbol on it in vivid blue color. Exactly how it looked on my God Tier, except on my arm. Seriously, what happened last night.

I walked over to the door and jiggled the knob until it finally opened, it felt sticky. Before walking downstairs, I knocked myself in the head a couple times to confirm this is real. If my headache intensing like crazy is a sign it's real, than dang, something really screwy must have happened last night, to answer my own question.

I walked down the stairs to see my house was perfectly normal and there was noise coming from the kitchen. Guess Dad's cooking something, and he's still alive at that. Better not be Betty Crocker though, he makes way too much of her stuff.

I sat on the couch for a second, trying to ignore the pounding of my brain. After a few minutes Dad peeked out of the kitchen and smiled at me. I smiled back weakly before noticing he had already disappeared behind the double doors of the kitchen, most likely going back to baking up a storm.

Suddenly, a knock on the door distracted me from my couch-sitting. Whoever is at the door, this better be good...

I got up and walked over to the door. I opened it up lazily to find myself standing in front of a short, ginger haired boy with red eyes, tons of freckles, and a big nose. He was wearing a long-sleeved black turtleneck with a flipped cancer symbol on it, grey jeans, and he had a tattoo that looked like blood dripping from a wound on his hand. Um...

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked, fixing the strange boy with a suspicious stare. He just sighed and rolled his eyes at me.

"It's Karkat, fuckass." He shouted. I didn't know what to say, this couldn't possibly be who he claimed, Karkat was a troll and this guy was, well, human. He was wearing the same shirt, except it was flipped. Since my shirt was flipped too, I guess that explains that, but it still doesn't explain why he's...human.

"How, what, when, why, who, uh, where-" I stuttered out, still gaping at the dude in front of me. He was as sure as heck Karkat, yet not really Karkat if you know what I mean. You don't? Well, alrighty then...

"Stop stuttering and let me in, Egderp." Karkat said, pushing me aside and walking through the threshold and into my house. Before I could figure out exactly what was happening, the doorbell rung even though the door was still open.

I ran back to the door to find none other than Dave on my doorstep, looking the same as always. The only thing different about him was them broken record on his shirt was flipped and he had a Time symbol on his forearm.

"Yo John." He said, ambling into my house as casual and cool as ever, just as always. Wait, what...?

"Uh, hello John." I heard from my doorstep and saw Rose standing there awkwardly. I kinda stress-spazzed and I guess she took that as a "come on in". I really have ill-mannered friends. Jade followed her in, smiling from ear to ear as always, commenting on the excessive amount of clowns-no, harlequins- in my living room.

By now, I was surprised Dad hadn't come out to see what was going on in here. I mean there were already like 4 other people in the room besides me, that's kinda hard to miss. I guess he's just in one of those hard-core Dad baking sessions or something silly like that. Do all dads do that...?

I guess I was getting a bit of a glazed-over look to my face because Rose waved her hand over it. Karkat pushed her out of the way and slapped me. That woke me up, but my headache returned. I winced in pain and held my head.

"Aggghhh..." I muttered, rubbing my temples.

"Uh, sorry Egbert...didn't mean to hit you that hard-I-I, I mean, man up, dipshit!" He stuttered. Dave, Rose, and Jade stared at him for a second, making him blush beet-red. I guess he was either trying to be nice to me for once or...

"Karkles likes Egderp." Dave said, pushing his glasses farther up his nose. I wasn't even thinking that, but alright. That's when things went...uh...interesting. Let's just put it that way.

"COMMERE STRIDER! COMMERE! LEMME AT EM!" Karkat shouted, diving onto Dave and pushing both of them onto me, causing me to stumble back and run into Rose and Jade, leaving us all in a huge squirming pile of crazy people. Dave managed to slide out of the heap, leaving Karkat to just pull on the strings in the carpet, Jade's hair, and Rose's skirt. I somehow ended up not getting pulled on by curling into a ball and rolling out of the mess.

After about 10 minutes of girl shrieks, the former-troll finally realized that Dave had crawled out and he had just made 2 girls very, very mad. He looked between Harley and Lalonde, red eyes huge.

"Shit." He muttered. Almost instantly Harley was all over him while Rose snuck off to pick up a pencil. When Lalonde rejoined the fray, all you could hear was the sound of their scuffling and a couple distant yelps coming from Karkat getting a pencil jabbed into him. Finally the war subsided, Karkat having obviously surrendered while Dave said from the side "shout uncle bro, shout uncle". It's still a wonder to me how my dad didn't hear any other that.

I still couldn't comprehend all that just happened in the last...it wasn't even a half hour, was it. I mean what the heck guys. Really.

My headache was getting the better of my so I collapsed on the couch, clutching my head. Karkat looked over from his wallowing in pain on the floor and tilted his head while frowning.

"It can't of hurt that bad, John." He scowled, looking to the spot he slapped me. I shook my head.

"No, I've just had a headache as far back as I can remember. I just sorta woke up on my bed upstairs and...well, here we are." I said sheepishly. Rose looked at me funny.

"What do you mean by as far back as you can remember?" She queried, scanning me with her eyes. The purple irises snapped right to my right upper arm. "And what's that on your arm...?"

"Well my memory has some huge holes in it, and I'm not that sure. I think it's the Breath symbol from my God Tier. That's what it looks like anyway..." I looked closer at the sign on my arm, squinting slightly. It didn't seem like a tattoo, the color was too vibrant. I tried touching it and the second my flesh came in contact with it, I felt a chill go down my spine. It was almost as if someone was breathing down the back of my neck.

"Well, your God Tier assumption would most likely be correct, since mine is the sun that represents Light." Rose acknowledged the symbol on her left shoulder.

"I have the Space thing on my right collarbone!" Jade pulled back her shirt for everyone to see. I'm pretty sure I saw it wrong, but I think Dave was blushing. Ooooh, Mr. Striiiideerr...

I think he caught me staring at him because he quickly said "Time, on my arm." to cover up for it. I still pervy-eyebrow wiggled at him but he sent me 'the look'. I stopped.

"I think I have one on my right ha-OH MY GOG. WHAT. THE. FUCK." Karkat gaped at his hand. He wove it around a couple times, staring at it in disbelief. "SINCE WHEN WAS I A PINK MONKEY-CHILD LIKE YOU DERPS? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS?"

"Well I assumed you already knew..." Rose raised an eyebrow and sweatdropped.

"What? Oh, yeah, we're having a conversation, spaced out a bit...uh, well I thought you had already noticed too." Jade said, snapping out of a daze.

"I don't really flipping care." Dave flipped his hair back into place.

"Shut up Strider. Egbert, do you have a mirror around here anywhere?" Karkat asked, frantically rubbing at his skin. I nodded slowly and pointed toward the bathroom door. He shot off like a rocket and slid into the small room.

For a second there was silence. Then I heard Karkat shout something...

"AGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I'M A FUCKING GINGERRRRRR!"

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**Bluh. I had to do that. X3**

**Anyway, yeah, this chapter would have been longer, but I got lazy, soooo...:B**

**I already have all the trolls appearances planned out and am working on the next chapter. **

**Dangit...going back and reading this, it seems a bit uninteresting...bluh. I'll change that over the next few chapters~**

**Since I'm having exams coming up, there won't be frequent updates. Yet since I never study EVER, not by much really. After exams are done and school is out, I'll be shellin' em out like crazy though. I'll even write during my swim meets if I can. X3**

**Till next time~**

**-Mint**


	2. The Baby Brigade

WHLN Chap 2 05/19/2012

**Wow. I UPDATED. IT'S A mIrAcLe. :o)**

**Thank you guys for the amazing positive reaction to this story! I had no idea it would get that many alerts and faves so quickly! THANK YOU RECEPTIVE HOMESTUCK FANDOM. Unlike some fandoms...whatever. Let's not dwell on that.**

**Anyway…yeah. I guess this chapter is a tad early by my standards, so don't be all like "WOO THIS SOMEWHAT QUICK UPDATE IS REGULAR BROS" because it's not. I am a lazy-ass procrastinator and I am semi-proud. =3=**

**Well, the site updates are pretty awesome, as you can see I made a cover. Woo. :P**

**Well, in this chapter, I will be introducing some more humanstuckness and a couple of cheesy plot twists, many POV switches (yay for pov-switching induced migraines 8D), shipping (Pepsicola, SpaceTime, Rosemary, Solkat (just a little bit), Karezi), and just Homestuck silliness. I frankly think this will just be a bit of a silly chapter. I dunno. Why did I say plot twists anyway…this thing doesn't have a plot yet…OH WELL DERP.**

******Onto the story, PCHOOOOOO~**

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**John's POV**

Karkat came stomping back into the family room, chest rolling as he puffed out air like some kind of steam engine. His face was completely red and it looked pretty hilarious in comparison to his height, hair color, and nose. He looked almost like a red oompa loompa or something...

Apparently Dave was thinking the very same thing because he made that exact comment.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EARTH "OOMPA LOOMPA"? IT SOUNDS EXTREMELY RETARDED." Karkat grouched, crossing his arms. Dave snickered and muttered something while Rose and Jade just rolled their eyes.

Suddenly the doorbell rang again, big surprise, and I made my way over to it. I'm starting to wonder how all these people know where my house is. It's almost like they're stalking me through some kind of webcam thing or something. I mean really.

I opened the door to see a really tall dude. And by tall, I mean flipping TALL. He looked about 6 foot 2 or something. Yet he seemed my age, which is even stranger. He had blonde hair and dual-colored shades with halves of this dark green tattoo thing on each hand. It looked almost like a gas mask. He had a black and yellow jacket with a shirt that had the Gemini symbol on it underneath. He wore half blue half red jeans and black and white shoes. Dang. He really needs to stop with the switching colors, it's giving me a bigger headache.

"Um. Hi? Ith thith thupothed to be your hive or thomthing?" The dude said with a really heavy lisp, nearly spitting all over me. Um. Ew.

"OH GOG I'D KNOW THAT LISP ANYWHERE. SOLLUX?" Karkat yelled from the family room as he ran to the doorway. "DUDE. WHAT'S WITH THE BLINDING COLORS? IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE. AND THAT BLONDE HAIR MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE STRIDER." Karkat grouched.

"It'th not like I picked thith outfit. I'm guething you're KK, right bro?" Sollux smirked and raised an eyebrow. Karkat nodded. "You're a theriouth midget. And I'm the jolly green giant, whatever the hell that ith."

"SHUT UP. AT LEAST I WON'T BE BANGING MY HEAD INTO DOORWAYS AND STUFF."

"Yeah right, KK. I'm not that tall."

I left the two to bicker on the front porch and walked back inside. Unsurprisingly, both of them followed me in, still quarreling. I wonder how those two even consider themselves friends or anything, with all that arguing they do.

Of course, the second I sat on the couch and closed my eyes, the darn doorbell rang once again. I'm normally pretty calm and cool, but this whole doorbell nonsense is going to make me flip my shit, I swear. And once the Egbert's shit is flipped, it's not going back in the pan, oh no.

I stumbled back over to the door and glared right into the face of a grinning average-sized girl. She was pretty skinny, but she wasn't creepy skinny. She had brown hair with bits of red in it and huge, red glasses. She wore a very form-fitting red shirt with a teal, upside down Libra symbol. She had teal jeans, red Converses, and a mouth full of teeth. And dang, was she showing them off.

"Hello Johnnnn..." She whispered, before cackling loudly and maniacally right in my face. Her breath smelled like a Crayola art supplies factory...

"Ith that TZ?" I heard Sollux ask from the other room. There was the sudden sound of a table being flipped and some snickers that sounded very Strider-like. Oh crap, Karkat better not have flipped my table...

"Sollux? Is Karkles misbehaving back there? I can put him to JUSSSTICE!" The sentence was followed by a renewed fit of cackles, making my headache intensify. Ouch.

Terezi (at least that's who I guessed her to be) pushed past me and from the sound I heard, flying tackle glomped Karkat and was pinning him on the floor.

I sighed and just decided to stand at the door so I wouldn't just annoy myself later since it's obvious more people are going to arrive. I did close the door, though. Dad would have a fit if I let out to much of the A/C. I still don't get why he runs the A/C though if it's only April, it's not that warm here anyway since this is Washington state.

The doorbell rang again, bringing me out of my in-mind questioning of my dad's logic. I opened the door and was greeted with a smirk. The smirk-wearer had long blonde hair pulled into a really messy ponytail, cerulean eyes, thin wire rimmed glasses, a black jacket, a black shirt with a blue spider and flipped Scorpio sign in cerulean, blue jeans, and bright red skater shoes.

"Well helloooooooo there John." Mystery girl said, leaning on the doorframe and moving in closer to me. I backed up a bit.

"Um, I'm just taking a wild guess here...Vriska?" I asked, guessing by the cerulean everywhere and the stretched o's.

"Wow, you guessed correctly. Great job Mr. Egbert." Vriska continued to smirk at me, showing her teeth. Uh. Well, she's not as bad as Terezi on the creepy grin front, but she's seriously getting there.

Yet she's Vriska nonetheless, so I smiled a signature Egbert smile and showed her in.

"AGGGHHH IT'S A WILD SPIDERBITCH!" Terezi shouted as she looked up from holding Karkat in a headlock. "I COULD TELL WHAT THAT SMELL OF COOL BLUE POPSICLES AND DECEIT WOULD BE ANY DAY!" She sniffed the air and crinkled her nose.

"I thought you could see now, you wouldn't need to taste shit anymore." Dave commented from the corner.

"I never said that, the world tastes too good to pass up. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE." Terezi cackled, grinning widely and completely forgetting about Vriska and how she was holding Karkat in a headlock worthy of the WWE.

Vriska smirked and flipped her hair. "Whatever Pyrope. I'm not here to pick fights with you."

"Do you even know why we're here? That would be nice to know." Rose butted in with her usual snark. Dang, there is going to be a snark war going down, I swear.

"Oh I have aaaaaaaall the answers, all of them. Yet that doesn't mean I'll tell you." Vriska grinned maliciously at Rose. Okay, now I know what Terezi meant by Spiderbitch, but she's nice enough to me so I don't know why she's a jerk to everyone else. Meh. I'll never understand girls.

"That bathically meanth the hath no idea whatthoever." Sollux remarked, examining our TV. He poked the screen. "What doeth thith thing do anyway? It jutht lookth thupid. Humanth are weird."

"Because freaking out whenever someone mentions cleaning shit is really normal." Dave pushed his glasses up as he regarded Sollux. The dual-colored troll frowned at him and narrowed his eyes.

That's when things started getting weird.

Sollux and Dave battled it out while Rose and Vriska went into catfight mode. Karkat thought this moment of confusion would be a perfect time to escape Terezi, but Ms. Justice was expecting that. She gripped him harder, causing Karkat to shout the longest string of cuss words I've ever heard. This made Jade mad and she joined the chaos that was already nearly destroying the living room.

"Guys," I started, but I couldn't even hear my own voice over the chaos. "GUYS," I said a bit louder this time, still to no avail. "GUYS!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, making even my own head pound from the loud noise. "Let's all just calm down and do something to take our minds off the current situation."

"You know what, I actually agree with Egbert for once. Keep the idiots busy and you won't have as much fucking shit to deal with in the long run." Karkat grouched from under Terezi who giggled, more like cackled, and let him go. He dusted off his pants and sent a death glare at the blind justice bringer who smiled as angelically as someone could with freakishly sharp teeth like hers.

"Well, any ideas?" Rose asked, pulling her eyes out of a staring contest with Vriska. I could tell her patience was running thin even though it had been barely 10 minutes. I could see why, and I could totally relate there, what with the chaos making my head feel full to bursting with strange noises and colors.

"Ummm..." Really, I should have thought this one through. But since I couldn't even hear myself think only a minute ago, I had a pretty good alibi. Suddenly a fantastic idea sprung into my head. "We could go swimming, the pool just opened last week if it's still my birthday!"

All the trolls just kind of stared at me like I had suggested we all run around screaming how much we love pigs before shoving each of our heads into a full baby's potty. Or maybe that's shock, I really can't tell. Mixed emotions, I guess.

"Well I think it sounds like a fantastic idea!" Jade chirped, jumping up and down.

"Sure, why not. It's not like I have anything better to do." Rose shrugged passively.

"Eh." Dave muttered. I looked at him with my best puppy-dog-glittery-anime-eyes-and-puffed-out-lip face. I could sense him tensing up a bit and, what, do my eyes deceive me? Is the Strider blushing? No, I must be seeing things. Dave specifically told me Striders never blush. And anyway, I'm not a homosexual. "Alright fine." Said Strider muttered, slinking away to the couch. Heh. Works every time.

"But why would you want to go swimming in the water? It's seadweller's turf." Terezi gave me a literal questioning look, her mouth in a sideways question mark shape. I have no idea how she does that.

"Yeah, and none of uth have gillth, tho it'th impothible." Mr. Lisp stated, leaning against the wall.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, regular trolls don't swim." I said, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. "You see, humans swim by going under the water and coming back up when we need to breathe."

"Well that's stupid. Why would you even bother with it if you're just going to be going up and down the whole entire time?" Karkat complained. Geez, he always has to point out the negatives, doesn't he.

"Well it's fun Karkat! Do you trolls know what fun is?" Jade asked mockingly, poking the redhead's nose. He growled and bared his teeth, making my ecto-twin giggle.

"Don't fucking poke me Harley." He grumbled, shoosh-papping her finger away from his nose.

"Well…should we wait for anyone else to arrive before we go ahead and go to the pool?" Rose questioned. Vriska grinned rather widely.

"We should wait, I have someone I need to wait for." She said with a wicked smile at the door and a flip of her hair.

Just as Terezi frowned and opened her mouth to make a smart response, the doorbell rung once again. I sighed and got up to go get it.

I opened the door to reveal a girl on the tall side with pointed, black hair, jade green eyes, lipstick the same color as her eyes, a black shirt with a jade Virgo sign on it surrounded by many floral patterns of the same color, a long red skirt with many creases and ruffles, black high heels, and a translucent jade green shawl that draped across her shoulders delicately. She smiled very lightly and extended a hand with a multitude of colors on the nails to me.

"It's Kanaya, John. Lovely to see you again." She said in a slow and very enunciated voice. I smiled goofily with my oversized buckteeth and returned her handshake.

"WHO IS IT THIS TIME?" Karkat yelled from the main room and came storming over. His disposition cleared a tad when he saw Kanaya.

"Oh hey Kanaya." He said in a much more quiet voice than the one being exercised no longer than a second before.

"Hello Karkat, I'm guessing. I see you have changed in appearance as well." Kanaya said, examining his appearance carefully. "You could have picked better clothes though, you look ridiculously mundane as usual." She cracked a smile. Karkat muttered something and walked back to the room where the rest of our group resided.

I led Kanaya back to the main room and Rose grinned when she saw her self-proclaimed fairy god troll. The two broke from the rest of the group and went to a more cut off corner of the room to talk.

"So when exactly are we going to this train wreck?" Dave asked, having recovered from my sparkle attack I set on him earlier.

"Well I'd think we'd need bathing suits before going. We're not skinny dipping are we?" Rose asked sarcastically from the other side of the room. Bluhs were shared for the next 5 minutes.

After everyone had regained his or her composure, Jade suggested we take a quick trip to the mall to pick out swimsuits.

"What'th a mall?" Sollux asked.

"Oh it's a HUGE store full of all kinds of stuff! You can buy food, electronics," Sollux's attention was obviously grabbed, "clothes," Soon followed by Kanaya's, "art supplies," Terezi looked very intrigued as well now, "random junk, anything that you'd want really. All in one huge building with tons of shops inside!" Jade explained.

"WE'RE GOING NOW." Sollux yelled.

"Oh yes, this sounds amazing! Heeheeheehee!" Terezi giggled, jumping up and down, trying to get Karkat to do so as well. He just stood there looking as irritable as ever.

"I don't want to go. It sounds fucking annoying." Karkat growled. Terezi pouted, Sollux gaped, and Kanaya's jaw dropped. She ran up to him very uncharacteristically and shook his shoulders around, eyes wild.

"VANTAS, LISTEN TO ME. WE ARE GOING TO THIS UTTER FANTASTICAL PIECE OF HEAVEN CALLED A MALL. THINK OF ALL THE WONDROUS, COLORFUL, EVER SO STYLISH CLOTHES. ARE YOU THINKING OF THE CLOTHES VANTAS, ARE YOU THINKING OF THEM?"

Karkat just looked at her with eyes as wide as saucers, even Sollux and Terezi snapped out of their excitement-induced spazz attacks. All eyes were fixed on the totally out of character fashion diva.

Everything was silent except for the sound of Kanaya's heavy breathing down Karkat's neck. Finally Vantas nodded slowly and Kanaya let him go. She dusted her skirt off and fixed her hair as if nothing had happened. All eyes were still fixed on her.

When she finally noticed how much attention she was attracting, Maryam blushed deep red and slowly sat down in an armchair. "Heh...it seems as though I went a little off the deep end. Please excuse my little sudden outburst." She looked down, still blushing heavily.

As everyone finished muttering about how her outburst wasn't exactly little, we all decided to go to the mall, pick out our bathing suits, and just come back later if there's anything else we may need. Even though we pretty much have all the time in the world, it's not like we can go wasting it, can we? We have important shit to do.

Since the mall wasn't that far, only just outside the neighborhood, I suspected we could bike there. I went into the garage and flipped the light switch on, everyone following me.

"Garage, tada." I flailed my arms around a bit for effect.

I could have sworn I heard crickets chirping.

After the awkward moment had passed, everyone began looking around for something to ride on. I instantly claimed my prized bike, Vriska stole the skateboard, Dave snatched up the other skateboard, and Terezi found my old scooter and happily brushed the dust off to reveal the bright red paint.

The only people without a way of transportation were Karkat, Sollux, Jade, Rose, and Kanaya.

"Well now what are we going to do?" Sollux whined, still all excited about the electronics store and not ready to get disappointed.

I shrugged and walked outside to see if I had left anything outside. Nothing in the front yard, just our luck. I sighed and looked up to the balcony. My eyes roved over the usual stuff up there; a bench, a couple potted plants, Alchemizer- wait, back up, Alchemizer?

"GUYS!" I shouted, jumping around frantically, grinning wider than I had in a while, pointing at the wonderful find on the balcony. "Guess what! My Alchemizer is still in place! As long as we have some grist, we can make some sweet rides!"

"Whoa, fuck." Dave said, checking the balcony to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or something. "It's as real as shit, congrats Egderp, you're not hallucinating."

"Well what are we waiting for let'th get thith thit tharted!" Sollux yelled parading back into the house, a very enthused Kanaya, Terezi, and the rest of the people that just landed at my house following him back inside and up to the balcony.

* * *

**~One Very Silly And Long Musical Montage Fit To Multiple Alchemizing Shenanigans Later~**

"Well." Dave said, staring at the fruits of our shenanigans. "That didn't go exactly as planned."

We had meant to make some kind of biker gang bikes but...that didn't exactly work. We ended up getting really pathetic looking bikes that looked like they had the height adjustments for someone around 7 years old.

As you can imagine, that went over about as well as Karkat being a ginger.

"WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY?" Karkat had shouted the second this baby brigade popped fresh out of the alchemizer.

"It's the best we have for now, we might as well just use it. Not like we have anything else." Rose said as optimistically as possible, dinging the bell on her lavender colored bike.

"Thith tho called "electronith thtore" better be pretty damn good..." I heard Sollux mutter under his breath as he sat ridiculously on his bike, knees narrowly missing the handlebars every time he pedaled.

Everyone else sat on their bikes, some leaning back to make their knees be in a more normal area on the bike, some hunching over, feeling ridiculous.

"Well, we better get a move on then." Vriska sighed, flipping her hair, getting it stuck in the pedaling gears since she was leaning back. She tugged at it and ripped at the gears while Terezi cackled like mad to herself off in a corner of the garage.

Finally, once all hair was removed from the gears and everyone got squared away, we started off toward our destiny, aka the mall down the road.

Of course we got stares. Good thing my part of this neighborhood isn't too heavily populated with kids like the west side is and we didn't have to even get near the west side to get to the mall right outside my huge neighborhood. Of course, there was the random kid that would point and snicker, a couple even shouted out to us. But nothing big.

One time Karkat flipped his shit totally off the handle, flung his bike out from under him, and ran at one kid cussing his head off. That kid will be scarred forever, I can tell you that. Especially if he had known what the majority of Karkat's weird alien swears mean.

In about 10 minutes we had finally arrived at the local shopping center. It wasn't too packed for a Sunday, everyone probably at home eating lunch after going to church or something.

"Oh my...it's glorious..." I heard Kanaya whisper, eyes aglitter. "I will remember this moment for as long as I live..."

"Yeah yeah it's abso-fucking-lutely fantabulous, can we just get this over with?" Dave muttered, throwing his bike in the grass next to the doors and walking right in.

"Oh Dave, don't be such a party pooper!" Terezi giggled, glomping Dave as he was about halfway through the door frame, causing him to trip and the doors to close on his hips, Terezi still sitting right on top of him, cackling like she totally didn't break the Strider's cool act.

"Ugh, Terezi, really?" I heard him grumble, picking himself up off the ground, Terezi sliding right off his back and back onto the ground still in perfect sitting position.

"TZ, you might want to burn your ath later, it touched Thtrider. You might get douthe-itith." Sollux said with as serious as he could pull face, trying not to snicker at his own joke. Terezi stuck her tongue out at Captor and got up off the ground.

"Wow, it's amazing!" Jade squealed, running inside. She just stood there, fists held up to her chin, staring at everything. Geez, I guess they didn't have much on her island, did they?

"Let the nightmare begin." Rose snickered to herself. I have to agree with her there. This is not going to end well, but it's going to be just too funny to pass up. I should grab some popcorn from the snack bar, this is going to take a while.

* * *

**I was planning on making this a lot longer, but I just had to post it. :3**

**So yeah, this is probably one of the longest chapters you'll EVER see out of me. Seriously. Probably a one time thing. I might do the same with next chapter, but who knows.**

**HEY GUYS, CLICK THE AMAZING BUTTON RIGHT BELOW HERE THAT'S LABELED "Review This Chapter". IT DOES MAGICAL THINGS. *3***

**No seriously, click it.**

**Till next time!**

**~Mint**


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